Why Do I Repel People?

An older gentleman at a recent seminar asked me this question. I was surprised by his self-awareness and candor. Most likely someone had the courage to tell him directly or he came to this conclusion after a lifetime of failed attempts at social interaction.

It is a simple fact that we all want to be liked. When my boys were younger, I would cringe when I would notice some of their classmates struggle making friends. I referred to this as being socially awkward and in most cases they were simply trying too hard to be liked.

It is natural for us to want to be liked and think of ourselves first. Unfortunately the skills required are not natural and must be learned. People that struggle in this area take a selfish “all about me” approach when they should be doing the opposite.

Ask yourself these questions:

– When someone takes your picture, who is the first person you look for?

– In a conversation, are you genuinely interested in what the other person is saying or are you already preparing your response long before they are finished?

– Do you look at your phone and seem distracted during a lunch conversation or are you looking the other person in the eye giving them your full attention?

People can easily pick up on these clues and you can lose credibility.

In most cases, the most liked person at a gathering is not the person who tells the best jokes and monopolizes the conversation. It is the person who shows a genuine interest in other people. I have heard it said, “They made me feel like the most important person in the room.”

Do you want to draw people to you? If the answer is yes then I can think of no better list than Dale Carnegie’s Six Ways to Make People Like You:

• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Smile.
• Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Pick at least one and use it today. Let me know how it goes.

Have a great week!

Pierce